Muse Topics 3

When did you realize things were just "not going to be okay."

Reading the question, she chuckles… have things ever been ok? She tries to sort through the events of her life to find a time that would apply to… she’s never had a time, other than Zak, where things seemed even remotely ok. But that was her life.

Ok was a relative state of mind… The cylons attacked, destroying everything she knew to be home, and yet there was something that was left that helped her believe everything would still be alright. She had been involved in the destruction of the Olympic Carrier, 1300 souls possibly still on board. Yet her faith held. Water was short and there were hostage situations, and yet she could still see a silver lining.

Even crash landing on a planet after confessing your sins to the only father she’d known in years didn’t bring her down. She continued to fight, continued to frak up… She took the wrong man to her bed, took a punch from the right one, found out the president was dying and the commander had lied to her… and still she pressed on.

It was standing battered and bruised in the ruins of a museum, having fought for her life with a cylon that the world came crashing down around her. She found her friend, Helo… but over his shoulder there stood another, Boomer… Sharon…. She had seen her only hours before on the Galactica… one word summed it all up… Cylon. She reached for Helo’s gun and trained it on the woman. He deflected her arm and it was the next words she heard that destroyed the fragile grip she held on herself… the cylon was pregnant… Her scream echoed through the ruins as she sank down. Finally broken, and she knew, nothing would be the same again.


Careful What You Wish For

I know most people wish I that was more responsible… more by the book. They wish I would tow the line and act the disciplined soldier I was trained to be. You know the type… the good girl who never talks back, keeps her boots polished, would never dream of getting in the face of a superior.

Instead they got me; warts and all. I’m insubordinate. If I don’t like you I will tell you, right to your face. I don’t give a frak if you’re my superior or not. I’ve even been known to use my fists to prove my point. I speak my mind, whether my opinion is wanted or not.

I’ve been branded a troublemaker, a rogue… I live outside the box. Now, consider if I took away the things that people found too brash, too abrasive... crawled back into the box like a good little soldier. What would happen? Who could they count on to haul their asses out of the fire when it came down to the wire? Who would take the chances, push the envelope?

Be careful what you wish for, you really wouldn’t want me to be anyone else.

Kara Thrace
Battlestar Galactica
196 words

Talk about a time you overcame serious self-doubt.



Self doubt has always been a part of my existence… the first seeds planted when I was a child. My mother always believed I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I was useless… For years I believed her. I let her crush me down, keep me under her control.

When I was sixteen that all began to change; I began to see myself as an individual; separate from her. Her opinion was just that… hers. She had tried for so long to push me to the career she had chosen for me. The military. Of course she wanted to make me a marine. That’s what she was… and that way she would always be my superior. I refused.

Instead I started learning to play Pyramid. It was a rough sport, but I was good at it. Damn good in fact. The more I played, the more I separated from her opinion of me. I had a scholarship to the academy; I was being scouted to play professional… I was going places. I was somebody. Then it happened.

My newfound world was shattered when I busted up my knee on the court. Everything I had worked for was gone, and there she was again, with the ‘I told you so’s.’ Weeks later doctors would confirm the worst. I would never play again. While I would regain the strength in my knee, I would never have the mobility to keep up on the court. I was devastated. I started to think maybe she was right, maybe I wasn’t cut out for anything other than the career she chose… I took the tests the doctors brought me, half hearted most of the time. Aptitude test, entrance exams… they all tried to help me.

What surprised me the most was when I received the call… Flight school. I couldn’t believe it. Me? A Pilot? I wasn’t sure if I should… Mom didn’t think I could do it… I wasn’t sure I could either…


Looking back I’m glad I pushed the doubt aside and accepted.


Kara Thrace
Battlestar Galactica
339 words


What is the worst thing that has ever been done TO you?



For someone looking in, it might be hard to pick which of the things that has happened to me over the course of my life has been the worst. I grew up in a broken home, child to an alcoholic mother who saw me as the source of all her troubles. After all life had been good before I was born.

I’ve endured endless hours of dark closets, not knowing when I would eat again; my only companion the spiders that spun their webs in the spaces beneath the stairs. When the closet ceased to scare me, the real abuse started. I was late coming home from school… she whipped my wrists until they bled; reminding me I should wear a watch. She broke each one of my fingers when i played a prank… I could go on… but none of these amounts to what was done to me on Caprica.

What did they do? That’s what makes it the worst. All I know is that they cut me open… I don’t know if they took something out or put something in… I saw what they had done to the other women… what they were trying to do… was that what they had planned for me? To turn me into a living incubator for half human machines..?

It still haunts me at night… Its been six weeks and the waiting continues… Under normal circumstances I would be even more worried… but these are not normal circumstances, anything could cause me to be this late… malnutrition being at the top of the list, right next to stress… both of which are dealt out here in abundance. I’m going to try once again tonight not to think about it…. Maybe tomorrow…