“Just tell me what you want from Inara.” If Mal had known how far his voice would carry from the quiet bridge through the mostly silent ship, he wouldn’t have said a single word to the Companion when she stepped into the bridge. He was on watch, like he was most nights. Sleep wasn’t his friend anymore. Too many bad dreams mingled with worse memories.
“I just want to know how long this layover is going to be Mal. I have an appointment on Persephone, and for once I’d like to not be late.” Her lips were painted the same swollen berry red that they’d been the first time he’d seen her when she’d come to rent his shuttle.
“We’ll be there in plenty of time. Ath, will be able to get his jollies right on schedule. We’re in good shape and makin’ good time. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with Serenity for a change.” When she’d left him, them, he’d missed her every single day and night, but now he was wishing that she’d never agreed to stay on board. He had made her a whore this time. It wasn’t the Guild that he could blame.
“It’s not what’s wrong with Serenity that has me concerned Mal. I’m worried about you.”
“Well don’t be. Let’s make a deal,” his voice went cold as his eye turned to ice. “You don’t want me walkin’ into your shuttle unannounced, how ‘bout you stop comin’ on my bridge whenever you feel like bein’ a nag.”
“Fine!” Inara took a step back, and Mal fought the urge to say he was sorry. He shoved the concern back under the anger. Her feet made barely a sound as she raced back to her shuttle. “I won’t bother you any longer Captain Reynolds.”
“Good!” He picked up his coffee cup and took a long drink before he realized how cold and nasty it had gotten. With a frown he stomped on down through to the kitchen to get a refill.
“You need to stop doing that sir,” Zoë said from behind the counter where she was getting her own cup of what passed for coffee on Serenity.
“Please Zoë; I’ve already gotten into one fight tonight. Don’t want to get into one with you too.” He passed her his old blue cup and watched her fill it instead of making eye contact. He felt like a heel for the way he’d treated Inara.
“Why don’t you tell her the truth Mal.” That caught his attention. Zoë never used his name unless she meant for him to listen. “I lost Wash in a blink of my eyes. We thought we were safe, and then he was dead. She’s left you once. Why can’t you admit that you love her?”
“It wouldn’t do me any good if I did. I ain’t good enough for her Zoë, and I never will be. Any chance we had died when she went back to work.”
“But she did it to help us.”
“That’s what makes it worse, don’t you see?” Mal scrubbed at his face. “When she did it for her callin’, she was a companion. She does it now to make sure we’re never as desperate for money as we were when she was gone. I’ve made her a whore Zoë. I’ve ruined Inara, like I’ve ruined everything else I’ve ever loved.”
“You didn’t ruin Serenity Sir,” Zoë said as she reached over and squeezed his hand. “And you didn’t ruin me or River or Kaylee. Notice I only mention those of us you do love. You’ve got no responsibility when it comes to how fucked up Jayne is. He came that way.”
An alarm went off before Mal could say another word; he dropped his cup in the sink and raced back through the ship to the bridge. The ship rocked as a low powered shot hit them. Checking the scanners, Mal sent out a long string of curses as he answered the wave that was chiming in.
“Serenity, this is Alliance Captain Milton of the Starship Destiny. Prepare to be boarded and your cargo seized.”
((Hoping one day will find the thread to finish this one))
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